Last year...

Last year Sam and I were just getting back from a month in Hawaii. We were living in Ogden so close to all our best friends, I was in a job I loved, Sam was about to graduate, and we were so completely ready to have a baby, for Sam to get a great job, to buy a home and live in la la land :)

This year our life has turned a 180. Right now Sam is outside selling his motorcycle to pay for next months round of infertility treatment. Sam has been without a job for the past four months, after the job we moved here for didn't turn out as expected. Our savings is going quickly to medical bills, and we miss our Ogden friends and jobs daily.

But something amazing has happened. I have gone from being bitter and wishing I had this and that, to really appreciating our current situation. These last few months have been some of the best of my life. For the first time in my 26 years, I have been able to really understand that I am not the one in control. That even though I think I know what is best for me, I really don't. That just being alive is a blessing enough, and I am not really entitled to everything working out just how I want it to like I previously believed I was.

Next month I start taking injections (well, I guess I won't be taking them, Sam will be giving them to me) that cost more each month than both of ours cars put together, yikes! There have been more than a few times when I have felt like taking a couple trips to Hawaii instead, but something inside me is telling me these little shots might be worth it. Of course we are crossing our fingers and our toes and praying they will work, but if not, we will be just fine---and I don't think I could have said that last year.